Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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