There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nicole vs. Life
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
