Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
