I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
