It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
