I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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