So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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