All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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