I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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