she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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