hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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