There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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