I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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