sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
