They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
