Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
PANTIES FOUND
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