I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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