honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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