I seem to have left my pride at pride
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
