Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
foreskin is a definite game changer
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
