we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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