$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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