I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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