I love black thongs
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
