There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize