Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
