Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
