For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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