i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
