waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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