She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
