end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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