Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
