and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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