She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
