1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
