it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
