That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
