so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
