if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
