I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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