During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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