we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
