I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
