i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize