Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
