His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
