i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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