I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
