He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
