saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
