I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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