On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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