i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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