I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
