Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize