I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
