I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
