the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
