I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
