Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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