Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
