i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
