Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
