1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
