apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
As shirtless as possible
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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