Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sext me about skeletons
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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