First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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