the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
